PIGEONHOLING ???

I don't think the driver survived! This is on the side of an auto body shop in Wichita, KS

Smokes and Strokes

Usually it's tobacco and liquor or cigarettes and lottery, but in Chanute, KS you can buy your smokes and order a new treadmill at the same place! Maybe a marraige of General Nutrition Center (GNC) and Mr. Bulky's would work!!

It like the 'square peg in the round hole'

They spent millions of Superfund money trying to make Picher "safe" from lead poisoning. Within months, toxic levels of lead returned to the newly replaced yards. They pondered the open shafts full of water (foreground) for safe methods of capping them. They searched worldwide for disposal sites for MOUNTAINS of lead-filled chat (background). NOW, years later, some brilliant committee actually is studying the feasibility of doing what I thought should have been considered in the FIRST place....PUT IT BACK IN THE GROUND!!! Displace the water and fill the empty mineshafts with . . . yes - the chat that came from down there.

"Pocket-Sized" Drive-In Theatre

I think you bring your own chair. As you know if you read my profile, one of my interests is drive-in theaters. In Dearing, KS there is an operating (in the summer) WALK-IN theater. In the photo, the screen is covered for the winter.

Storm Shelter Sales "Below Normal"

It must be a really, really boring sales position.

Inquire WITHIN?

Keeping Promises with Vacation Alternatives

(originally written in July, 2000)

Summer is nearly here, the children are restless waiting for the end of the school year, and Mom and Dad are faced with gasoline exceeding two bucks a gallon. Last fall you made a promise to go to America’s most popular fun spots or favorite cities for this summer’s vacation. So, if you haven’t yet figured out how to deliver on your promise and save face without using the plastic cards or depleting the bank account, here are some alternative vacation ideas.
You promised Disneyland, so go to Disney, Oklahoma. You won’t see Mickey Mouse or any of the Fantasia cast, but you can see the fantastic Pensacola Dam that creates Grand Lake. If Graceland was in your plans, try Fairland. Fran’s Flea Market is known to have a few Elvis items in her shop on Main Street from time to time. Then spend the night six miles west at the Old Route 66 Motel in an Elvis-themed room.
You may not be able to go to Wyoming this year, but you can see some “Bears” at Wyandotte. If you said “Twin Cities,” you might slip up and say “Twin Bridges.” Camp and fish for a week just a few miles from home.
The Redwoods of California could easily be mistaken for Red Oak, Missouri just northeast of Joplin. There is a neat little historic village there, just off of highway 96, called Red Oak II. Other California vacations easily replaced include Sunset Strip, right here in the southwest part of Miami, Oklahoma. The San Francisco Zoo could be swapped for Monkey Island. You may have to look closely to find any “animals,” but you should see at least a squirrel or rabbit on the golf course. Or, if you were thinking of Hollywood or Los Angeles, go west on highway 96 to Hallowell, Kansas and visit Angelo’s. Owners, Mike and Denise Roark, have a unique one-of-a-kind deli style sandwich featuring their own “Angelo’s sauce” that can’t be beat. Of course, if you wanted Nashville, there is one on highway 43 just north of Joplin, Missouri. (Photo above.) For a “New York” trip, go to Boston, Missouri, or to Brooklyn Heights, northeast of Joplin. If you promised them Las Vegas, take a detour through Nevada, Missouri and then come back to one of eight tribal casinos in or near Miami, Oklahoma.
You may have promised the French Quarter in New Orleans and have to deliver french fries from near Oronogo, but who will notice? Instead of going to see where they used to tape the television series “Melrose Place,” you could buy a rock from the highway shop in Melrose, Kansas.
You won’t see the Niagra Falls at Narcissa, but you can stand below the water tower and listen for rushing water. Akron, Ohio may be famous for tires, but you won’t wear out a set of them driving to Afton, Oklahoma to the site of Buffalo Ranch. It’s not the original one, now just a convenience store, but there are few live buffalo out in the back field for the effect.
Obviously Miami, Oklahoma could be substituted for a trip to Miami, Florida. Our shoreline is hard to find, but for tickets at the Coleman Theatre Beautiful it’s a short line. And there is no need to worry about ocean water getting in your camera. If you planned on a side trip to a sports museum, stop by Commerce, Oklahoma to see the boyhood home of Mickey Mantle. Or if you’re big on IMAX theaters, go to the 66 Drive-In near Carthage, Missouri and park right under the screen. It’s the same, nearly.
Boulder City, Missouri might do for a Colorado trip, or Grand Lake instead of Grand Canyon. A trip to the “rockies” could include Rocky Comfort, Missouri and Table Rock Lake. You might get by with Bluejacket instead of Yellowstone. Or Picher to see the same mining history that you might see in the Ozarks.
More exotic locations are available in Kansas, such as Peru and Havana. There’s a great little lake at Toronto, Kansas and you won’t need a jacket, like you might at the Canadian city. The kids wanted to go up in the Gateway Arch in St. Louis, but you can take them up the McDonald’s arch near the Vinita exit on the Will Rogers Turnpike instead.
You may not “Ride the Ducks” or go on a Royal Caribbean cruise, but you can go to the Royal Bay Theater at Grove, Oklahoma and ride the Cherokee Queen I or II. See a show, “Back to the 50’s” at Kountry Kousins Jamboree, thinking you’re at the Grand Ole Opry. But if you were planning on Silver Dollar City, spend the same $43.65 and stay all day at the local Dollar General.
Sacrifices? Perhaps. But then, the horribly high price of gasoline could have a positive impact on four state businesses, by keeping us closer to home and taking a closer look at our own attractions.

"HURTING".....Verb?...or Adjective?

Although I planned for everything on Nearly Newz to be original stuff by me, this was too good to not share. This was submitted from a PDA camera by Bob, and it makes you wonder about the membership requirements for this church? Want to get something off your chest? Feel the need to punch someone's lights out? Just come on by, they welcome such actions.....maybe.

Raising the Bar... 

RAISING THE BAR.....:::::iiiii!!!!!

If you watch any TV at all, you've seen the cingular(TM) wireless ad campaign (since joining up with AT&T) with the images in the background indicating "raising the bar". I thought, "what fun!" to be finding REAL unstaged images that showed the familiar five "bar-like" items in increasing height like the three examples shown above. So here is where YOU can participate! With your own digital camara, shoot a "raise the bar" photo and send it to my email mr_alphabet@hotmail.com and I will choose the two best ones that I get by the end March to post RIGHT HERE on NEARLY NEWZ!! No prizes, just a moment of fame when I post and give you credit for the photo. Oh, and be sure to tell where you shot it and any other details.

Hello! "How-ar-ya?" The States of the Union

Some of the family read this about a year ago, and you couldn't believe that I actually wrote it. You’ve all heard the familiar play on words, "How are ya?" followed by "Don’t know, I’ll ask-a" and something about a "new brass key" to resemble the state names of Hawaii, Alaska and Nebraska. The following story, while perhaps not as obvious, contains the names of all fifty states phonetically. Your local dialect may alter recognition of states, however reading the story aloud will make it easier to "hear" them. See if you can find them all the first time you read it and have fun!!! When you give up, click on the comments and the story will come up with the answers highlighted. Feel free to send your friends a link or to email it around the world....
I owe a bunch of thanks to Mr. and Mrs. Hippie who came to the park and saw that if I’d a hoe it wouldn’t be enough, add a sword or a gun and a lot more could get done. Instead, I’ve been washing tons of mud off of my old and my new Yorkshire hogs. Cooking pork is making me squirmish again. I have been told that most pigs would dull a Wearever knife on any six weekdays, but they say you can slice one with a whisk on Sunday. But on most farms, the air a zone away is sweeter smelling. When you look to the north, the coat of paint on the barn stinks, and to the south, the coat of fur on the dogs smells wet. Al is our good neighbor. We should ask Al if foreign yards are as bad. He comes over often to borrow tools or even a brass cup of bolts that I have when he can’t find his own. We have nails and screws in cans us neighbors share when we need them. It’s better than going in town to buy them new. Mix a cold drink with it and you have a block party. A large glass of iced tea or a mini soda will do just fine. I’d go inside before burning up, but Al always says "Come on, tan a little longer!" I usually respond with "You taunt me!" But somehow he can tuck even a change of clothes in his coveralls. Al will pull out a shirt with a collar, add a tie and he’s ready for a funeral. He’ll show up with a huge mass of chew, sets himself down with his dog and listens to the radio with me. "That new amp sure sounds great" he’d say. "Oh, hi ol’ boy," I’d say to Rusty. Rusty likes to chase birds, especially homing pigeons. Why homing pigeons? Al says it keeps him from getting lost. "By George, ya could have something there," I’d say. Seems any road I land on leads to Al’s place. But at least Al treated his dog humanely. Not like his woman. She was thin and had a raspy voice, talked a bit funny and had earned a nickname of "Wheezy." She’s the newest virgin ya ever met. Some of the things Anna would say didn’t make much sense. (Can etiquette have anything to do with it?) I thought she played tennis, see she had a good arm, if you know what I mean. But she’d say, (if the wind blew "Wheezy Anna" to the north), "Care!" A line of bull. And if it blew her south, "Care!" I’ll line a doctor up to see her soon. Maybe he can answer some questions. Al would ask me stuff like when, where, how come? "Hey, why ya askin’ me? I’ll ask a professional," I’d answer. Then he’d hit the floor at a high rate of speed for some reason. To Anna I’d say, "Excuse me Ms., you’re a wife of this man, correct?" In her raspy, wheezy voice she’d say, "No, I’m-a all-a by ma-self." By now, Al was looking pale and a little ill, annoying me to no end. His blood veins became so thin we called him "pencil-vein," ya know. It wasn’t very kind, but I’d rather grab a camera, land a big win at the horse track, and go shopping for a new Chevrolet. Any Chevy, but never Monte Carlos. They are too sporty for Al and Anna at this age. But any other Chevy protects us all from bad weather, as do the trees. "It’s too windy," Anna would say and a good sturdy tree is either Maple or Oak. "La Homa" or "La Casa" is the Spanish name for our place. But I’m on the verge, in your next story to trade in the pigs for cows and see what happens. My eyes have seen that either kind of animal sleeps in the nude. Did yours see it any differently?

...an original by Lynn Brenn of "Oak La Homa"

This boggles my mind!!!

I've studied this over the years - everytime I drive by it is like my eyes are magnetically attracted to this....?THING!? If it is half garage, why doesn't the whole car fit? If it is half house, the floor level is nearly the same as the tires of the car. Where does the front door lead? Why are there windows and why can you see through one window out of another window in the back, when the back should be a sloping garage roof? And why hasn't this car moved for like 17 years or more?? This is south of Joplin, MO on old hwy 71 next to a mobile home dealer. Was this some kind of accident, or just an optical illusion? It reminds me of that 3 pronged illusion of a magnet that sometimes looks like it has only 2 prongs.

YOU do the Math...

Hmmm... 50% x 1/2 price = how much???

Seems like it would be better to just say 75% Off.

Well, I'm pretty sure it's a good deal, either way.